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Four married guys go golfing.While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

2nd Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."

3rd Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him, "You haven't said anything about what you had todo to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

4th guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?'

And she said, "Wear your sweater".

TB

Someone died playing golf

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Quote by Michael Green

Excuses For When You Must Play Golf! #6

I have to try out this new hat.

I haven't played the course in ten years since I moved away.

I heard a new sand trap was added to #4.

I heard golf is much easier when you're sober, so I have to try it.

I heard the course is flat - I always play well on flat courses.

I heard they cut the greens again. I have to try them out.

I heard they got rid of the port-o-potty at the turn.

I have to crown the new bathroom.

I just bought a box of titanium golf balls.

I just bought a new golf glove off the web.

I just bought a pair of waterproof shoes with slip-proof soft-spikes

I just bought a putter guaranteed to cut 10 strokes off my round

I just bought some slice-proof tees.

I just bought winter golf gloves. I want to see how they work.

I just enjoy having a cup of coffee while waiting on the tee box

I just finished a lesson on the Internet; I want to see if I improved.

I just finished the book titled 'Learn to Golf in Twenty Minutes'.

I just got a new distance finder

Garth McEvoy [LB]

Quote by Val Doonican

Religious battle golf

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

Excuses For When You Must Play Golf! #5

I have not played since last summer.

I have only played that course on my computer.

I have some money from my company's profit sharing.

I have spent a lot of time practicing; I want to see how I do.

I have to get used to my new putter.

I have to golf as much as possible. We only golf 4 months in Alaska

I have to golf, it's a guy thing

I have to keep trying to get a hole in one!

I have to make sure my back stays loose.

I have to pay the club dues, I might as well get my money out of it.

I have to pick up a club I left at the course yesterday.

I have to see how my new lesson worked out.

I have to see if I eliminated my slice.

I have to see if my new sunglasses help me read the greens better

I have to see if these new golf balls will float.

I have to teach my son-in-law how to golf.

I have to test this new allergy medicine on the course.

I have to take my wife golfing at least once a year, it is in
the pre-nuptial.

Quote by Sam Snead

I want to buy a golf ball

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"

"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

I did all of that?

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"

"Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...

"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

Quote by Robert Browning

Excuses For When You Must Play Golf! #4

I had to make a sales call at the course anyway.

I hate Nascar, and that's all that's on TV.

I have a few hours to kill before the M.A.S.H reruns start.

I have a meeting at the course, so I might as well go golfing.

I have a rain check from yesterday.

I have a scramble next week. I need the practice.

I have an opportunity to play with the three best players at the club.

I have been on a plane all day; I just really need some fresh air.

I practiced putting on my carpet; now I want to see if it pays off.

I have been taking anger counseling for my golf game.

I have been taking golf vitamins to hit the ball an extra 10 yards.

I watched the golf channel for 48 hours straight. I am psyched up.

I have never birdied a #1 handicap hole.

I have never eagled a hole before and I feel lucky.

I have never played a canyon course before.

I have never played bent grass before.

Quote by Chi Chi Rodriguez